Consistently inconsistent
by flyin'rabbit
Summary: Series of drabbles about various events on the show that may or may not make an awful lot of sense. Latest chapter: One wedding, two funerals, three competitions: Kurt's starting to see a pattern there.
1. Blaine and theme parks

**A/N**: Yet another of my one-shot collections, it seems. At least these will be short drabbles (at least, I think so; if they weren't, I'd just write them as one-shots). About stuff that, in my eyes, doesn't make sense. Inconsistent things, mainly, but not necessarily so... I guess. Now, I can't very well write about characters who've always been in the same year and then suddenly, they're not anymore (that bugs me greatly, though, even though it hasn't actually been on the show (yet?)), or stuff like that, but there's still enough left to write about (at least for a couple of chapters). They might border on parody at times, so I hope no one minds too much :) Oh, and this will essentially be about everyone - I'll change the main characters whenever I post a new chapter :) Now, lest this A/N is longer than the story itself... here's chapter one, starting some time near the end of 2x22. Hopefully you'll enjoy it :)

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><p>"Okay, so here are the nominees for my songs tomorrow…"<p>

"Wait, hold on," Kurt said hastily. "I get that you're excited to sing the entire summer long, but – why in a theme park?"

"Why not in a theme park?" Blaine obviously didn't see the problem.

"Because right after the 'Gap Attack' you mentioned that performing in theme parks was one of the most embarrassing things you'd ever done. Why would you want to relive that?"

"Oh, I said that, didn't I?" Blaine sighed. "It was just a figure of speech…" Either Kurt didn't quite understand, or he disapproved of Blaine's explanation, so Blaine elaborated. "I mean, yes, it's a bit embarrassing, dressing up and singing and dancing in front of a bunch of kids, but it's fun too. You get over the embarrassment soon enough."

"And you didn't think to ask me if maybe I wanted to come along? I mean, I'm not mad, and I don't want to be a clingy boyfriend or anything, but I love singing just as much as you do."

"I'm sorry. I just assumed you'd be helping your dad at the shop over the summer. I'm sure no one will mind if you want to audition too. It's just, I've been doing this for so long, and it's really something I'm used to doing by myself – _because_ most people are too embarrassed to do it."

Kurt nodded, looking down at his coffee and smirking slightly, before glancing up again. "Like the Kings Island Christmas Spectacular?"

It took Blaine three seconds to reply. "Yes – "

"The one that hasn't existed for the past few years?"

Now, it took Blaine even longer to respond. "Yes…"

Kurt raised an eyebrow at him, clearly inviting (more like urging, actually) him to explain.

Which was easier asked than done, Blaine thought. Why _had_ he asked Kurt to sing that song with him, for a non-existing show? "I guess it was just an excuse to spend more time with you," he replied in the end, sending Kurt a (what he hoped was a) charming smile. "I just hadn't realised it yet."

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><p><strong>AN**: Yes, I'm aware that the end may be cheesy and cavity inducing :P Anyway, what do you think so far? Let me know what you think, please review!


	2. Will and ND's many sexual orientations

**A/N**: This is AU, set during BTW. The first sentence of the story is taken from that episode, the rest is my take on that scene. It's not really an inconsistency, just something that seemed not true to me (as far as Will is aware, at least). I'm aware that it's equally untrue that people of every race, religion and clique are in Glee club, but I'm sort of ignoring that in this. Anyway... hopefully you'll like it, and please leave a review! :)

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><p>"Now, this is the only club at school that is represented by just about every race, religion, sexual orientation and clique."<p>

There was a short silence, before all hell broke loose.

"Is there… something you need to tell us, Mr Schue?" Artie asked, looking around. "I mean, we don't mind. Even though it's not really any of our business…"

Sam let out a long-suffering sigh. "How often do I have to tell you people, I'm not gay! I – "

He was drowned out by the scene Santana was causing. "How did you find out?" she demanded. Turning to Brittany, she added, "I thought you were my friend, and I could trust you. Well, obviously not – "

Brittany, however, wasn't paying attention to Santana. Instead, she sagely told the group (none of whom were listening, but she didn't let that faze her), "That's not really true – I mean, not yet. If you're talking about Kurt, he won't be back for another twenty minutes. Or, I suppose it's a couple of days, I'm not completely sure…" She frowned, confused again.

Mercedes, on the other hand, looked bored. "Yes, Mr Schue. We know, all sexual orientations. Because straight, straight, and, oh yeah, straight, are the only accepted sexual orientations here at McKinley."

Lauren, in the meantime, turned around in her seat and smirked victoriously at Mike. "I told you so," she said happily. "Now hand over the cash."

Mike groaned, but grabbed his wallet anyway. "Wait, what's going on?" Puck asked, turning around as well.

"We had a bet going on," Mike told him. "Lauren bet that Rachel was a lesbian, and well, turns out she's right."

"Wait, what?" Finn asked, from the other side of the room. He sounded completely out of it, but that might also be because he still didn't know why Ms Pillsbury was in the room. Well, there were more important things right now, like the revelation that his ex-girlfriend who he may or may not still have feelings for was apparently a closeted lesbian. "Rachel, is that true?" Without giving her the chance to reply, he continued on. "All this time, I thought you loved me! Me! I thought that was why you dated me, but all this time, you were after Quinn, weren't you? You just wanted to make sure that if you couldn't have her, nobody would!"

With that, Finn crossed his arms and started sulking in the corner. Quinn rolled her eyes, glanced at Rachel for a split-second, and then whipped out her phone, muttering under her breath.

Santana was about to speak up (most likely to rectify what had just been said – _she_ was this Glee club's closeted lesbian, not that _Berry_) when Tina did. "Gosh, you guys! You're so wrong – Rachel's not a lesbian, trust me, I _know_. I, on the other hand – it feels great to finally come clean about this! Mike, Artie, I'm sorry, but you were just beards…"

If Will thought that all hell had broken loose after his comment, it was nothing compared to what happened now.

Needless to say, Finn never found out what Ms Pillsbury was doing in the choir room that day.

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><p><strong>AN**: Um, yeah. It's not supposed to make a lot of sense, in case you were wondering :P Let me know what you thought of this, please leave a review!


	3. Kurt, festivities and competitions

**A/N**: Something else which isn't really an inconsistency, I'm afraid (maybe I should change the title of this?). It's just something else I suddenly realised :P It's another AU; the first sentence is from the 'Funeral' episode. I hope you like this take on it :)

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><p>"I don't think you should be planning a funeral the same week you should be focusing on your set list for Nationals."<p>

Really, St James, really?

Apparently, Finn was thinking the same thing (which was possibly a first), as he was staring at their former rival not too happily as well.

"Listen, St James," Kurt began, not letting Jesse say anything else. "We're New Directions, not Vocal Adrenaline. We may not be as focused as your celebrated old club, but we have more heart. And a soul. We work best when under pressure – we won last year's Sectionals with a set list we put together less than an hour before performing!"

Some other people in the choir room muttered in agreement, but St James didn't look like he was won over yet.

"A week before Sectionals, I planned an entire wedding," Kurt continued. "Nobody spared the competition a single thought and – " This was where it got a little complicated for him, seeing as he'd transferred in between the wedding and the competition. "Both the wedding and the competition went perfectly," he finished somewhat lamely.

"Because New Directions was so busy planning the wedding," Jesse began, "it helped the Warblers tie with you at Sectionals. That wouldn't have happened if you'd been concentrating on the competition for a longer time."

"That's not true," Brittany commented. "We tied with the Warblers because they'd become very popular in a very short time, so they couldn't lose the competition and disappear yet, and neither could we."

There was a short silence after Brittany had said that, and then Kurt said, "Anyway, the whole wedding planning thing didn't hurt New Directions' chances at Sectionals."

Unfortunately for Kurt, he was not the only one remembering his transfer to Dalton about half a year earlier. "While that may be true," St James was saying now, "this is a funeral, not a wedding. And if I remember what I read in the Ohio show choir chat rooms, _you_ were in the midst of planning a funeral – for a bird – the week before Regionals. Which your team at that time did not win."

"The funeral will be held long before we're going to Nationals," Finn said helpfully. "So it's not the same."

"And Pavarotti was the Warblers' mascot," Mercedes pointed out. "Jean's not our mascot."

"So you're saying that planning a funeral right before a competition could have disastrous results for us?" Rachel asked Jesse, obviously intrigued by his theories.

"I think we should do the funeral thing," Santana said, sounding bored, and probably just speaking up to annoy Rachel.

Mutters of consent filled the room, and it was decided almost unanimously that they would plan coach Sylvester's sister's funeral, their Nationals set list be damned.

A few weeks later, Kurt was starting to see a pattern. He wondered if maybe, he could convince some of his fellow Glee clubbers to get married just for the sake of it, so that he could plan weddings right before competitions. If they wanted to divorce right after the competition, that was fine with him, but it was now obvious that weddings brought along better chances at winning a competition than funerals did.

Somehow, he suspected that he might be able to talk Rachel into this.

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><p><strong>AN**: ... even though, you know, Rachel's still supposed to be sixteen (right?) when Sectionals come around next, and most other ND members won't be eighteen either. Oh well :P Anyway, let me know what you think, please leave a review!


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